#437

another hiatus.

sorry..

#407

i'm so fuckin' sick!!

#404

it's just been too damn long . .

#397

stolen from cory!

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. adidas Originals new york [current]
2. psling ny
3. american eagle outfitters
4. canal jeans

Four movies I've watched the most:
1. step up
2. step brothers
3. center stage
4. stomp the yard

Four places I have lived:
1. crown heights
2. mill basin
3. coney island
4. my mother's womb?

Four places I have been:
1. barbados
2. trinidad
3. puerto rico
4. florida

Four Favorite drinks
1. pepsi
2. cranberry juice
3. chardonnay
4. red bull

People who email me regularly:
1. mikey
2. the mod squad
3. adidas
4. model mayhem

Four of your favorite foods: [this is a big deal to me]
1. volcano rolls from nana
2. anything with seafood
3. french fries
4. red velvet cake

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. in dallas with cory
2. the studio
3. at work, surprisingly
4. underneath someone =] -- it's been a while. sorry =\

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. working at the union this summer
2. partying
3. my new social life
4. next season merchandise at adidas

Four TV shows that I watch:
1. for the love of ray J
2. america's next top model
3. gossip girl
4. make me a supermodel

#396

so i took this pic when i had my weave. a bit va va va voom-ish, don't you think?

#393

when i grow up, i wanna be:

#380

there comes a point in a girls life when she looks back and analyzes the years she's lived on this earth, and she accepts what has happened and prepares herself for what is to come. during my hiatus--which i intended to last much longer-- i've hit that point. my dad's a recovered alcoholic, my mom's a hypocrite, and i'm the result--the queen of "i don't give a fuck what you have to say because in the end, you still, and never will, know me." i love openly, think freely, and in this day and age, i still find absolutely nothing wrong with that. my past will affect my future, and i've come to terms with that. every action has a reaction, and the reactions to my actions are heavy. i' ve accepted the preconceived notions; people will say what they want to say and believe what the want to believe, because they're ignorant as fuck, and that's all there is to it. i'm putting my life together as i realize that in this world, i'm my own support system, and counting on people to be there for me is a thing of the past. i'm proud to say that i am one of those people that can get by on my looks--my hobbies prove that. there are tons of people who wish they could do what i do. some know they can't, so they make weak attempts to ruin my life and take what i have, but that's not happening. i'm my own worst enemy, i'm my own best friend, and at the end of the day, you just don't matter. eat shit and die.



i'm back . .

#379

i'm in pain; physically and emotionally.



. . . 0N hiAtUS

#374

more kiddies!

#367

watching abdc, eating ramen, and ironing my hair. this is like my friday morning ritual.

quest put it d o w n ! ! !
beat freaks disappointed me a little, but quest crew made up for it. there's nothing like air flares on elbows to get me open. hurano's adorable. i loved their krumping section. that shit was fire. no wonder fly khicks got sent home after that.

my ceramic blow dryer konked out on me the other night. the prep for tonight's show will be tedious without it.

going back to bed. i have a long day ahead of me . .

#341

happy valentine's day.

now eat shit and die. seriously.

#331

so let's talk about how some people ain't worth half a shit. [that was the most redundant sounding piece of shit. ever. but guess what; when i'm as pissed as i am, the ignorance will come out.] let's just say i have officially had my last birthday celebration. but i'll get back to that later.


so last night was the big night. the birthday party business. things got fucked up in all kids of ways:


1. my dress that arlene made wasn't made correctly. i might as well show the design now.



i tried to fix it multiple times, which i shouldn't have had to do, but it still wasn't wearable. the purple dress from roxanne's party was in the cleaners, so i ended up wearing the little black dress i bought from american apparel for shanice's baby shower.


2. typical naica, she waited until four hours before i wanted everyone to meet to go find an outfit. i was definitely dragged around the mall, starving and with a headache, for about an hour. i hate shopping with naica.


3. naica got locked out. so did her room mate. we tried everything to get the damn door open, from sticking hair pins in the key hole to trying to break one of the windows in the door with my oxford. her room mate is this old jamaican woman, [mad jamaican], and i swear, she called about a million people to tell the story of how she "never always lock dat door." long story short, we got some random man to kick the door in. quite amusing, might i add.


4. so i invited about twenty or so females and queens to go to dinner. about half of them have definitely proven to me how much i mean to them. sasha, bianca, ciara, and liseli just forgot, amy went to a party, and karla and brittany just didn't have the fucking courtesy to call and say they weren't coming, when not even twenty minutes before i left, they were "getting ready." mikey didn't get back from the hamptons with his family in time, so i'm definitely not upset with him. so at the end of it, it was down to naica and christina. naica's there every year for my birthday, and my darling christina is, literally, always there when i need her.

so i was venting to mikey, michael, and my mom and they were all very upset with these so called friends in my life. this shit hurt. seriously. i've been fighting back tears since last night, standing outside the restaurant. i let them all out today. it's such a fucking shame how i consider people friends. everyone's an acquaintance from now on. hi, bye, and that's it, because if you don't give half a shit about me, i won't care so much for you.

last night i was buzzed. bacardi apple and chardonnay. after that, all i needed was to lay next to my booskie and pass out, which i did. i put on my flats and walked from the restaurant in soho to the studio in time square, semi-inebriated, just to kill time, and i threw on my flannel, laid on the couch cushions, and i slept like a baby. today was spent eating dunkin donuts, mexican, and sushi and watching movies. today was really relaxed for the most part. all i needed was his company.

no class tomorrow, but i'm definitely going to school to do my physics homework. bed time . .

#322

so there's this "25 random things" thing going around facebook. el posted hers on her blog; she really went into explaining hers, which made me think about the explanations behind mine . . .

1. i blog; uncontrollably. it's just amusing to me. i feel better after i release sometimes.
2. my favorite color's turquoise, but i only wear black and gray. i don't know why, i just feel a lot more comfortable in black.
3. i can never get enough red velvet cake. i tried junior's red velvet. it's not the best. lords on the junction is a hell of a lot better. maybe that's why i gained a few pounds again.
4. i hate my biological sister. she's the favorite child. that shit doesn't rock well with me. my brothers know it, but they're fine with it. they never had my father around when they were growing up, so they don't really care much. daddy didn't come to my high school graduation, but he definitely got his ass up on a fuckin' plane to see her get some bullshit corrections officer certificate shit.
5. as much as i love modeling, it's not a career choice. it's fun. just fun. i'm not a go hard for it. it is what it is. if i make money, i make money. there's not much more to say for it.
6. i have fibromyalgia. i swear i've spoken enough about this subject for the world to know about it.
7. my godfather dying and spending my birthday at his funeral was on of the hardest things for me to deal with. he died on my first day of class of my second semester of college. i spoke to my mom all day while i was at school, but i didn't find out until i got home. my dad is the worst person to deliver bad news. i was depressed for a while. sometime's i have my moments. i had my first asthma attack at his funeral. crazy day.
8. i starve myself sometimes to lose weight. it worked when i was ten, and it worked during the summer when i wanted to lose weight for my cousin's wedding.
9. i have a fear of falling. it just makes my heart jump.
10. my father's been around my whole life , but he was never really there. no graduations, no dance recitals, no tennis matches. nothing.
11. i tend to break all of my electronics. i've gone through two ipods, on my second camera, and my second laptop is on its way to the dogs.
12. i got my first coach bag for passing english in highschool with an A. my sister in-law is so cool.
13. until i was 6, i thought i was ugly because i was dark. i hated black-ness. i always wanted white barbies. i was weird, and i used to piss my cousin off with it. my mom and my sister are light, almost red, i guess you can say. they literally look like a peach crayon, and i loved that. i always used to say "mommy, you and carly are peach!" and i thought they were gorgeous because of it.
14. i played the piano for six years. my mother wanted one of those frouffy cultured kids. i still say she was trying to compensate for her absence due to the whole "corporate american woman" thing.
15. i have shopping bags filled with kid robot toys. my mom blames it for my credit debt.
16. i absolutely LOVE diner bacon cheeseburgers. they're just amazing. any sandwich with bacon is amazing, actually.
17. i'm loving that i can go out without foundation now! i don't have to worry about my blemishes showing because the shit's fading, and i can wear white tees because there's no foundation to stain it.
18. when i was 5, i wanted to be a waitress when i grew up [thanks to min from barney.] she was the only asian girl so of course, i wanted to be like her.
19. i feel like i'm a disappointment to my parents. i make my mother really upset sometimes. a lot of the time. i don't go to church, i hang out a lot, i have a sharp mouth, and those things upset her.
20. i can fall asleep anywhere. on the bus, on the train, in a corner on the floor at my school. recently i caught myself sleeping on mikey's shoulder in pritchett's fashion buying class.
21. i often think of baby names, even though i say i don't want kids. having kids is just not my thing, but i love love love reading baby name books. i bought shanice a baby name book when she was pregnant with little avery.
22. i wish i was in art school already. i hate these damn business classes. just shoot me.
23. i'm deadly afraid of cats. i always have dreams of them killing me in a million different ways. it's freaky.
24. as much as i hate rap music, i love me some lil' wayne. his punchlines make me cream =]
25. i don't have a tv in my room. for my room to be set up the way it is, there's just no space for a television, especially since it can only be in one specific corner because of the architecture and the cable wires.

#311

i need to clean today. seriously. i can never maintain my room.


birthday in two days. adding more to the wishlist:

no words =]

my wifey on a tee. i have no idea who made it though.

m.o.b. because i'm a m.o.b.

i shot with simon gerzia on saturday. cool guy. quick and easy shoot. nice studio set up in williamsburg on varet street. here's some of his work:

after the shoot i headed over to trav and kay's. this may be an odd picture, but i laid in their queen size bed with them and ate pizza for the rest of the day. kay left and went clubbing with the girls, i stayed, ate chinese food, and passed out. trav woke my ass up around midnight and i took a cab home. i love my best friend. sometimes.

#309

the first full week of school is officially over. i love professor pritchett for my fashion buying and textile classes. she's from brooklyn, a fashion industries alum, and she's so hood. physics is hell. they're considering this a science course for non-science majors. he definitely sounds like the guy in the wheelchair from family guy, and it's the hardest thing in the world to concentrate in that class when i can only think of stewie. college algebra and trigonometry is hell. dr. hill. he's this southern gentleman type and always quotes songs. in last night's class, he quote, "i get by with a little help frmo my friends" and "the beat goes on." on top of that, i have to take the cpe and the computer literacy exam in order to graduate, which is in may. i just hope to get through this semester on a wing and a prayer; but wings break and prayers go unanswered, so then what?



birthday in less than a week. four days to be exact. i want these too:

the coralines =]

for my new itouch [mommy said she's getting it for me]

hello kitty for mac. i want it all!

a good pair of fetish shoes. these specifically . .

so i watched last night's episode of america's best dance crew online this morning. i'm happy team millennia got the boot. fly khicks needs to follow. and so does ringmasters. so what if they're from brooklyn. i just can't take watching their routines. i was disappointed with dynamic edition this week, and surprisingly, strikers all-stars didn't amaze me the way i expected to be. beat freaks and quest crew definitely did it for me.



bad news. no itouch. just spoke to mommy, and she told me she wants to get it, but we definitely don't have the money. i haven't cried since the last time i posted i did, but i am now. not because i'm not getting it, because the first time she told me no, i accepted it and moved on, but because she was so sad when she told me. i haven't worked in two weeks, so who knows if i'm even going out next weekend. i'm starting to regret getting that dress made. this is exactly why i didn't want to do a damn thing for my birthday. some shit always gets fucked up . .

#306

so i'm watching last week's episode of house, and number thirteen said fibromyalgia as a diagnosis!

#293

new pics of little andre avery spaulding jr.:

now i want chicken wings and french fries. and a ginger ale . .

#278

i cry a lot. i'm a really emotional person--especially when things really stick to me. i cried on saturday, cried a lot on sunday, and i probably cried about twice in the week before.

i just have a lot going through my head about daddy and other people, and how it would be if i suddenly lost them.

i said i wasn't going to cry on monday, and i didnt.
i said i wasn't going to cry on yesterday, and i didnt.
i'm not going to cry today.

obama's our president, good morning world . .

#270

bored and thinking about my babe:

#247

 i'm still thinking about this thing called my birthday. here's the attire selection

betsey johnson

bcbg

anne klein

forever twenty one

bebe