#331

so let's talk about how some people ain't worth half a shit. [that was the most redundant sounding piece of shit. ever. but guess what; when i'm as pissed as i am, the ignorance will come out.] let's just say i have officially had my last birthday celebration. but i'll get back to that later.


so last night was the big night. the birthday party business. things got fucked up in all kids of ways:


1. my dress that arlene made wasn't made correctly. i might as well show the design now.



i tried to fix it multiple times, which i shouldn't have had to do, but it still wasn't wearable. the purple dress from roxanne's party was in the cleaners, so i ended up wearing the little black dress i bought from american apparel for shanice's baby shower.


2. typical naica, she waited until four hours before i wanted everyone to meet to go find an outfit. i was definitely dragged around the mall, starving and with a headache, for about an hour. i hate shopping with naica.


3. naica got locked out. so did her room mate. we tried everything to get the damn door open, from sticking hair pins in the key hole to trying to break one of the windows in the door with my oxford. her room mate is this old jamaican woman, [mad jamaican], and i swear, she called about a million people to tell the story of how she "never always lock dat door." long story short, we got some random man to kick the door in. quite amusing, might i add.


4. so i invited about twenty or so females and queens to go to dinner. about half of them have definitely proven to me how much i mean to them. sasha, bianca, ciara, and liseli just forgot, amy went to a party, and karla and brittany just didn't have the fucking courtesy to call and say they weren't coming, when not even twenty minutes before i left, they were "getting ready." mikey didn't get back from the hamptons with his family in time, so i'm definitely not upset with him. so at the end of it, it was down to naica and christina. naica's there every year for my birthday, and my darling christina is, literally, always there when i need her.

so i was venting to mikey, michael, and my mom and they were all very upset with these so called friends in my life. this shit hurt. seriously. i've been fighting back tears since last night, standing outside the restaurant. i let them all out today. it's such a fucking shame how i consider people friends. everyone's an acquaintance from now on. hi, bye, and that's it, because if you don't give half a shit about me, i won't care so much for you.

last night i was buzzed. bacardi apple and chardonnay. after that, all i needed was to lay next to my booskie and pass out, which i did. i put on my flats and walked from the restaurant in soho to the studio in time square, semi-inebriated, just to kill time, and i threw on my flannel, laid on the couch cushions, and i slept like a baby. today was spent eating dunkin donuts, mexican, and sushi and watching movies. today was really relaxed for the most part. all i needed was his company.

no class tomorrow, but i'm definitely going to school to do my physics homework. bed time . .

#330

day one hundred seventy nine

a certain someone's iphone fell off the dresser and broke a glass on the floor a few weeks ago. why is it that NOW i get a piece of glass stuck in my foot?

#329

day one hundred seventy eight

my first legal glass of wine and i didn't even get carded. damnit.

#328

quote of the day:


true friends stab you in the front. - oscar wilde

#327

change of plans. i'm not wearing that dress either.

#326

dilema:

my dress is a flop.

i'm highly pissed. now i have to use a backup dress, and since i'm broke, this is it:

fuck.

and this is exactly why i hate planning things for my birthday . .

#325

day one hundred seventy seven

new bronzer.

new door knockers.

home sick . .

#324

day one hundred seventy six

professor pritchett. bless her soul. someone pissed her off before class started, and she decided to lecture us on everything from manners to college life to business etiquette. this is when she finally stopped.

#323

quote of the day:


be who you are and be that well. - saint francis de sales

#322

so there's this "25 random things" thing going around facebook. el posted hers on her blog; she really went into explaining hers, which made me think about the explanations behind mine . . .

1. i blog; uncontrollably. it's just amusing to me. i feel better after i release sometimes.
2. my favorite color's turquoise, but i only wear black and gray. i don't know why, i just feel a lot more comfortable in black.
3. i can never get enough red velvet cake. i tried junior's red velvet. it's not the best. lords on the junction is a hell of a lot better. maybe that's why i gained a few pounds again.
4. i hate my biological sister. she's the favorite child. that shit doesn't rock well with me. my brothers know it, but they're fine with it. they never had my father around when they were growing up, so they don't really care much. daddy didn't come to my high school graduation, but he definitely got his ass up on a fuckin' plane to see her get some bullshit corrections officer certificate shit.
5. as much as i love modeling, it's not a career choice. it's fun. just fun. i'm not a go hard for it. it is what it is. if i make money, i make money. there's not much more to say for it.
6. i have fibromyalgia. i swear i've spoken enough about this subject for the world to know about it.
7. my godfather dying and spending my birthday at his funeral was on of the hardest things for me to deal with. he died on my first day of class of my second semester of college. i spoke to my mom all day while i was at school, but i didn't find out until i got home. my dad is the worst person to deliver bad news. i was depressed for a while. sometime's i have my moments. i had my first asthma attack at his funeral. crazy day.
8. i starve myself sometimes to lose weight. it worked when i was ten, and it worked during the summer when i wanted to lose weight for my cousin's wedding.
9. i have a fear of falling. it just makes my heart jump.
10. my father's been around my whole life , but he was never really there. no graduations, no dance recitals, no tennis matches. nothing.
11. i tend to break all of my electronics. i've gone through two ipods, on my second camera, and my second laptop is on its way to the dogs.
12. i got my first coach bag for passing english in highschool with an A. my sister in-law is so cool.
13. until i was 6, i thought i was ugly because i was dark. i hated black-ness. i always wanted white barbies. i was weird, and i used to piss my cousin off with it. my mom and my sister are light, almost red, i guess you can say. they literally look like a peach crayon, and i loved that. i always used to say "mommy, you and carly are peach!" and i thought they were gorgeous because of it.
14. i played the piano for six years. my mother wanted one of those frouffy cultured kids. i still say she was trying to compensate for her absence due to the whole "corporate american woman" thing.
15. i have shopping bags filled with kid robot toys. my mom blames it for my credit debt.
16. i absolutely LOVE diner bacon cheeseburgers. they're just amazing. any sandwich with bacon is amazing, actually.
17. i'm loving that i can go out without foundation now! i don't have to worry about my blemishes showing because the shit's fading, and i can wear white tees because there's no foundation to stain it.
18. when i was 5, i wanted to be a waitress when i grew up [thanks to min from barney.] she was the only asian girl so of course, i wanted to be like her.
19. i feel like i'm a disappointment to my parents. i make my mother really upset sometimes. a lot of the time. i don't go to church, i hang out a lot, i have a sharp mouth, and those things upset her.
20. i can fall asleep anywhere. on the bus, on the train, in a corner on the floor at my school. recently i caught myself sleeping on mikey's shoulder in pritchett's fashion buying class.
21. i often think of baby names, even though i say i don't want kids. having kids is just not my thing, but i love love love reading baby name books. i bought shanice a baby name book when she was pregnant with little avery.
22. i wish i was in art school already. i hate these damn business classes. just shoot me.
23. i'm deadly afraid of cats. i always have dreams of them killing me in a million different ways. it's freaky.
24. as much as i hate rap music, i love me some lil' wayne. his punchlines make me cream =]
25. i don't have a tv in my room. for my room to be set up the way it is, there's just no space for a television, especially since it can only be in one specific corner because of the architecture and the cable wires.

#321

quote of the day:


love is a game that two can play and both win. - eva gabor.

#320

day one hundred seventy five

laying down with a stuffy head and straight hair.

on the roady to recovery for saturday night!

#319

quote of the day:


you can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - mark twain

#318

day one hundred seventy four

laying in bed, sick, on my birthday.

smfh . .

#317

*this video was done this morning. i was trying to post if before i left for school, but the shit was taking to damn long to load . .

so happy birfday to me!

not really. today felt like any other day. here's the run down:

• physics lab
• laid in bed with the boobie
• picked up my dress
• went to mood with jessica
• went to the studio
• ate strawberry cheesecake from juniors
• ate a chicken burrito from yummy taco
• slept [all of this was at the studio]
• watched tv for about five hours with travis and kay

this morning i got my card from mommy and daddy. i sure as hell teared up like a little bitch, but guess what--ask if i give a fuck!

now i'm home and i feel like shit. my nose is sore from blowing the shit out of it, and i'm sleeping alone tonight. definitely not my intention. this cold/flu thing better bounce before saturday . .

#316

quote of the day:


do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. - buddha

#315

day one hundred seventy three

i woke up with a sore throat, courtesy of kay =[

#314

day one hundred seventy two

and the process begins . . .

#313

day one hundred seventy one

my cuddle buddy <3

#312

day one hundred seventy

i had to show them how it's done. ::wink wink::

#311

i need to clean today. seriously. i can never maintain my room.


birthday in two days. adding more to the wishlist:

no words =]

my wifey on a tee. i have no idea who made it though.

m.o.b. because i'm a m.o.b.

i shot with simon gerzia on saturday. cool guy. quick and easy shoot. nice studio set up in williamsburg on varet street. here's some of his work:

after the shoot i headed over to trav and kay's. this may be an odd picture, but i laid in their queen size bed with them and ate pizza for the rest of the day. kay left and went clubbing with the girls, i stayed, ate chinese food, and passed out. trav woke my ass up around midnight and i took a cab home. i love my best friend. sometimes.