it's official that everyone in this worl has pissed me off in some way or another during the past week or two.
i'm in the absolute worst mood.
it's gotten to the point where my fibro's flaring and i'm having anxiety attacks.
call me selfish, but i've stopped giving a shit about everyone else.
i'll be gone for a while--or at least until i feel better.
p e a c e . . .
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
#153
midterms starting tomorrow! i should be studying, but i’m not. instead, making a stop at procrastination station.
sasha and i hung out on thursday. starbucks, as usual. [at least for me] naquan left about an hour into our visit, but we were busy planning sasha’s twenty first birthday party, so we stayed. the joke of the night: i hold weight because i get free coffee. i died laughing. then we got barked on my professor chime after class for talking. that was even funnier.
friday, i re-cut my hair. not much, just a little off the top to add that extra spike that was there when i first got the cut done. then i walked around the house with a homemade mayo conditioner in my hair, while i cooked mac and cheese and fried chicken. by 5pm, the pre-shoot rituals began: i ate my last meal, went to work on my hair, and packed the essentials.
i shot with carl chislom yesterday at loft 406, the yume space. barber razors and dark makeup made for an interesting concept. his wife and image consultant, priya, was a doll. i wouldn’t mind working with them again. my darling sasha has another shoot under her stylist belt: bcbg and steve madden. the shoot was pretty simple and short; we were in and out in less than two hours. naquan was supposed to come after he got off work at 6:45, but we finished before then, so i headed back up there to meet him. it was the typical bus ride home: starbucks in hand, him holding me, and us talking about whatever could come to mind.
things are going good between us, and i'm in no position to complaing. that's just the way i like it.
when i got home last night, i ate and laid in bed. i’ve been in bed ever since. i love days off. i laid in bed and ate homemade sticky rice and baked macaroni and cheese. weird combination, i know, but that’s what happens when your mother’s a caribbean chink. i ate a lot today. no shoots for about a week or two, and yesterday left me famished.
hAPPY biRfDAY to my ciara--october 29th. we’ve been down for each other since we were five. we have our moments where we want to stab each other, but she’s damn near family to me. nothing will ever change that.
cory b.! she’s blonde! and losing weight! of course, i love the skinny people more. she did the party city corporate halloween party last night. cyndi lauper was in the house!
back to studying...after i eat again =]
sasha and i hung out on thursday. starbucks, as usual. [at least for me] naquan left about an hour into our visit, but we were busy planning sasha’s twenty first birthday party, so we stayed. the joke of the night: i hold weight because i get free coffee. i died laughing. then we got barked on my professor chime after class for talking. that was even funnier.
friday, i re-cut my hair. not much, just a little off the top to add that extra spike that was there when i first got the cut done. then i walked around the house with a homemade mayo conditioner in my hair, while i cooked mac and cheese and fried chicken. by 5pm, the pre-shoot rituals began: i ate my last meal, went to work on my hair, and packed the essentials.
i shot with carl chislom yesterday at loft 406, the yume space. barber razors and dark makeup made for an interesting concept. his wife and image consultant, priya, was a doll. i wouldn’t mind working with them again. my darling sasha has another shoot under her stylist belt: bcbg and steve madden. the shoot was pretty simple and short; we were in and out in less than two hours. naquan was supposed to come after he got off work at 6:45, but we finished before then, so i headed back up there to meet him. it was the typical bus ride home: starbucks in hand, him holding me, and us talking about whatever could come to mind.things are going good between us, and i'm in no position to complaing. that's just the way i like it.
when i got home last night, i ate and laid in bed. i’ve been in bed ever since. i love days off. i laid in bed and ate homemade sticky rice and baked macaroni and cheese. weird combination, i know, but that’s what happens when your mother’s a caribbean chink. i ate a lot today. no shoots for about a week or two, and yesterday left me famished.
hAPPY biRfDAY to my ciara--october 29th. we’ve been down for each other since we were five. we have our moments where we want to stab each other, but she’s damn near family to me. nothing will ever change that.
cory b.! she’s blonde! and losing weight! of course, i love the skinny people more. she did the party city corporate halloween party last night. cyndi lauper was in the house!back to studying...after i eat again =]
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
#150
day seventy five
lunch at hale and hearty soups with sasha.
chicken and sausage jambalaya is the truth =]
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
#147
day seventy two
a bored attempt at this thing called glam . . .
skirts and heels and shit. this is all still somewhat new to me.
#146
the day we've all been waiting for is here. [not so much you guys, just me]
i can officially say the days of crying over how much of a bastard robert really is are over. i've picked up the pieces if my life to a point where i can say my tears have dried on their own. just a little over a month ago, the sound of his name or hearing people talk about what he did to me would make me bursts out into tears. i've recently had a conversation like those before with the babaloo [kay], and there wasn't a well-filled eye, not a single tear drop, or even an urge. that's a big step for my over-emotional being. i spoke to his cousin, danny, the other day [don't remember if i ever mentioned him before] and the conversation went well. the last time we spoke, it was him giving me the news of his beloved cousin not being dead, but in allentown because something happened with his dumb bitch of a baby's mother & darling zion. so now he's living at his dad's [since darling nana kicked his ass out] and he has zion with him. zion needs his father around, so i'm definitely not upset about that. but as kay said, he's not a real man, which makes him incapable of doing the right thing and telling me the deal.
but c'est la vie.
kay's saying i have a real man in my life who's treating me the way a real man would treat his lady. people are probably saying that i'm only having this feeling of relief because naquan [or any man for that matter] is around. be your accusations true or not, i do not, in the least bit, care to take your feelings, thoughts, and views into consideration. i've said this time and time again, and i can't stress it enough: it's my life and i will make plenty of mistakes that i can only learn from. things are bound to get screwed in my life, but what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.
the last label for robbie.
goodbye's are forever . . .
max payne was kinda sorta wack =)
i can officially say the days of crying over how much of a bastard robert really is are over. i've picked up the pieces if my life to a point where i can say my tears have dried on their own. just a little over a month ago, the sound of his name or hearing people talk about what he did to me would make me bursts out into tears. i've recently had a conversation like those before with the babaloo [kay], and there wasn't a well-filled eye, not a single tear drop, or even an urge. that's a big step for my over-emotional being. i spoke to his cousin, danny, the other day [don't remember if i ever mentioned him before] and the conversation went well. the last time we spoke, it was him giving me the news of his beloved cousin not being dead, but in allentown because something happened with his dumb bitch of a baby's mother & darling zion. so now he's living at his dad's [since darling nana kicked his ass out] and he has zion with him. zion needs his father around, so i'm definitely not upset about that. but as kay said, he's not a real man, which makes him incapable of doing the right thing and telling me the deal.
but c'est la vie.
kay's saying i have a real man in my life who's treating me the way a real man would treat his lady. people are probably saying that i'm only having this feeling of relief because naquan [or any man for that matter] is around. be your accusations true or not, i do not, in the least bit, care to take your feelings, thoughts, and views into consideration. i've said this time and time again, and i can't stress it enough: it's my life and i will make plenty of mistakes that i can only learn from. things are bound to get screwed in my life, but what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.
the last label for robbie.
goodbye's are forever . . .
max payne was kinda sorta wack =)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
#144
day seventy
sick. again.
sarah isn't.
naquan isn't.
i wore a damn leather with a hoodie and a scarf, and i'm the one in bed with the box of kleenex.
*mop hair and pimple cream =]
Thursday, October 16, 2008
#141
i woke up about an hour ago. now i'm wide awake. i straightened my hair, downing another turkey sandwich, and watching real world/road rules. i have class at 2pm, then picking up naquan from work at 4pm.
umm...so to finish the last post.
things between naquan and me are slowly progressing. if he's not busy being a sweetheart and a total gentleman, he's got me cracking up, talking about freakishly dark people sweating mud and crying oil. he treats me good, and everything's not so serious all the time. we can have pointless conversations on the phone, or just sit there in silence until one of us pops up with a random thought. he's never complained about taking me home at night. i've never had to ask him to, which is great. he walks me to my door every night. que cute.
kay approves of him. we were at his job on monday for about three hours. he made us [well, me] a whole bunch of drinks, and kay and i just sat there and talked a bunch of bullshit and reflected on my last failed relationship and how naquan's proven already that he's more of a man than robert will ever be.
about to lay down until i knock out . . .
umm...so to finish the last post.
things between naquan and me are slowly progressing. if he's not busy being a sweetheart and a total gentleman, he's got me cracking up, talking about freakishly dark people sweating mud and crying oil. he treats me good, and everything's not so serious all the time. we can have pointless conversations on the phone, or just sit there in silence until one of us pops up with a random thought. he's never complained about taking me home at night. i've never had to ask him to, which is great. he walks me to my door every night. que cute.
kay approves of him. we were at his job on monday for about three hours. he made us [well, me] a whole bunch of drinks, and kay and i just sat there and talked a bunch of bullshit and reflected on my last failed relationship and how naquan's proven already that he's more of a man than robert will ever be.about to lay down until i knock out . . .
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
#140
so i'm laying in bed after a long day of running around. a pointless trip to the doctor's office, a class that i was in for literally fifteen minutes because of the pointless trip to the doctor's office, going to work, only to get cut, but still be in the store to wait for naquan, who i called and rushed to get to soho four hours before he was originally supposed to get there. the economy's shot to hell. now these bastards want to fuck with my money.
i got a B on massa's quiz! go me!
i'll finish this tomorrow. headache kicking in.
i got a B on massa's quiz! go me!
i'll finish this tomorrow. headache kicking in.
#139
day sixty seven
turkey, cheese, mustard, mayo, lettus and black pepper on potatoe bread.
yumm . . .
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
#137
now won't you run and tell your boyfriend
tell him don't hold his breath for me
i've got some money i was saving
got some hearts that i'll be breaking
know someday they'll make a martyr out of me
i know someday they'll make a martyr out of me
she's so fine
and i like sometimes to wave it high
up where everyone can see
i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
try to hold a light to me
i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
i like to watch the way the wind blows
what does it know that i don't yet
ooh, oh, look so pretty now
you're just so sweet
let's see how far you can get
see just how far you can get
she's so fine
and i like sometimes to wave it high
up where everyone can see
i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
try to hold a light to me i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
dreams are gone
and the dreams are gone
no one said, no
no one said
make something with what's in your head
and the dreams are gone
and the dreams are gone
tell him don't hold his breath for me
i've got some money i was saving
got some hearts that i'll be breaking
know someday they'll make a martyr out of me
i know someday they'll make a martyr out of me
she's so fine
and i like sometimes to wave it high
up where everyone can see
i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
try to hold a light to me
i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
i like to watch the way the wind blows
what does it know that i don't yet
ooh, oh, look so pretty now
you're just so sweet
let's see how far you can get
see just how far you can get
she's so fine
and i like sometimes to wave it high
up where everyone can see
i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
try to hold a light to me i'm a lady
got my mind made up
got my mind made up
dreams are gone
and the dreams are gone
no one said, no
no one said
make something with what's in your head
and the dreams are gone
and the dreams are gone
#136
day sixty five
for the first time in damn near three months, i got to see my babaloo.
loads of excitement!
Monday, October 13, 2008
#133
text a blog. i started this on saturday, i just never got around to posting it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm on my way to shanice's baby shower. totally running on colored people time, when i'm usually unnecessarily early for everything.
so thursday night's first date was a success. yes, naquan had me waiting, but mta wasn't on his side, and the rest of the date defnitely made up for it. the first stop was the pool hall in park slope. apparantly, i'm not that bad at it. i hate making myself look like an ass, but it didn't feel too bad. and of course, i had on heels. then we strolled to nana. i had a serious craving for sushi, and he liked it. most guys aren't open to trying new things, so i was very please with his reaction. then we took the train to the museum and stood on the little bridge thingie at the top and talked. at about 11pm, we headed to the bus and he took the whole ride home with me. he walked me to my door, made sure i got in, all that good stuff. i couldn't have asked for a better first date.
of course, my mother being the mother she is, says every negative thing she can in reference to me dating. the funny part was her asking if music would have a problem with me seeing someone else. my mother's old fashioned, i guess she doesn't understand the concept of casual dating. but she got over it. at least i think she did. we spoke about the date itself a little more openly this morning as i ate my left over pad thai. she was a little more positive than usual, which is always good thing when it comes to this woman. she wants to meet him. scary thought, but it might not be so bad.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yesterday was a weird day. no work, but i did have a serious talk with music about why things are the way they are between us. it’s confusing, and things aren’t looking to good—at least on my end. i always said if things took a turn for the worst between us, i wouldn’t be bitter about it. c’est la vie.
so my sunday was spent out of the house. i couldn’t stay home. after that talk, i had to leave; staying in the house, in my room, in my bed, would just eat away at me. my original plan was to go to the promenade. a phone call changed those plans. i ended up at washington square park with some very nice company. naquan and i walked from soho to union square, to flat iron, to chelsea, to midtown. we had pizza at palermo on spring and stopped at a million stores—which were all closed since it was 8pm on a sunday night. then he took me home, and the nosey little girl next door saw as he kissed me goodnight.
i don’t know what the plan for today is. we’ll see what comes up . . .
-------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm on my way to shanice's baby shower. totally running on colored people time, when i'm usually unnecessarily early for everything.
so thursday night's first date was a success. yes, naquan had me waiting, but mta wasn't on his side, and the rest of the date defnitely made up for it. the first stop was the pool hall in park slope. apparantly, i'm not that bad at it. i hate making myself look like an ass, but it didn't feel too bad. and of course, i had on heels. then we strolled to nana. i had a serious craving for sushi, and he liked it. most guys aren't open to trying new things, so i was very please with his reaction. then we took the train to the museum and stood on the little bridge thingie at the top and talked. at about 11pm, we headed to the bus and he took the whole ride home with me. he walked me to my door, made sure i got in, all that good stuff. i couldn't have asked for a better first date.
of course, my mother being the mother she is, says every negative thing she can in reference to me dating. the funny part was her asking if music would have a problem with me seeing someone else. my mother's old fashioned, i guess she doesn't understand the concept of casual dating. but she got over it. at least i think she did. we spoke about the date itself a little more openly this morning as i ate my left over pad thai. she was a little more positive than usual, which is always good thing when it comes to this woman. she wants to meet him. scary thought, but it might not be so bad.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yesterday was a weird day. no work, but i did have a serious talk with music about why things are the way they are between us. it’s confusing, and things aren’t looking to good—at least on my end. i always said if things took a turn for the worst between us, i wouldn’t be bitter about it. c’est la vie.
so my sunday was spent out of the house. i couldn’t stay home. after that talk, i had to leave; staying in the house, in my room, in my bed, would just eat away at me. my original plan was to go to the promenade. a phone call changed those plans. i ended up at washington square park with some very nice company. naquan and i walked from soho to union square, to flat iron, to chelsea, to midtown. we had pizza at palermo on spring and stopped at a million stores—which were all closed since it was 8pm on a sunday night. then he took me home, and the nosey little girl next door saw as he kissed me goodnight.
i don’t know what the plan for today is. we’ll see what comes up . . .
Saturday, October 11, 2008
#132
day sixty two
my ride or die, brittany; down for whatever since the first day of high school.
she had some strange amusement with talking to cats on the street and quoting the color purple. gotta love her =]
#131
day sixty onenana with naquan.
pad thai, mango shrimp, and california rolls.
absolutely amazing . . .
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
#129
it's ridiculous how i'm feeling right now. as i sit on my living room floor with a heavy heart, i try to understand why life's complexes are the way they are.
i'm in pain: emotionally, not so much psychically--for once.
they way i am, the way i was raised, leaves me in a position where i'm open and ready and willing to love and give whole heartedly. the men in my life, at the drop of a dime; i'll do anything for, and by the way i treat them, they know. sometimes, i surprise myself with the lengths i'd go to make someone happy. i think people take me for granted. i've probably said that before, but the notion still remains. i look at people and their relationships and their love lives, and i swear, i'd give anything for a piece of what they have. why can't i be taken care of, the way i've taken care of so many others. i don't need it, but i want it more than anything. i know my life isn't perfect right now, but the feeling of being cared for would make this so much easier . . .
i'm in pain: emotionally, not so much psychically--for once.
they way i am, the way i was raised, leaves me in a position where i'm open and ready and willing to love and give whole heartedly. the men in my life, at the drop of a dime; i'll do anything for, and by the way i treat them, they know. sometimes, i surprise myself with the lengths i'd go to make someone happy. i think people take me for granted. i've probably said that before, but the notion still remains. i look at people and their relationships and their love lives, and i swear, i'd give anything for a piece of what they have. why can't i be taken care of, the way i've taken care of so many others. i don't need it, but i want it more than anything. i know my life isn't perfect right now, but the feeling of being cared for would make this so much easier . . .
#128
day sixty
this is my disappointed yet again face.
so i basically waited for music for five fuckin' hours, dressed and ready, and he calls to tell me he got caught up.
whatever . . .
#127
i'm a sucker over love
smooth slick talk
anything he wants
i could provide it, i'm a rider
fulfill your desire
yell you baby what you want uh uh
i could be there if you want uh uh
i could model that if you want uh uh
this ain't it for them scary chicks
i handle my businesses
say i don't know much but i know that
tonight i don't want to be alone
be alone, be alone, be alone, hey hey
say i gotta make some contact
with you one on one
and everybody knows that i'm...
i'm addicted to kissing and hugging
touching and rubbing
i'm a sucker for love
if you're addicted to kissing and hugging
touching and rubbing
you're a sucker for love
i do my best to keep you here all night long
i'm pulling out all my tricks
cause i don't ever want you going nowhere else
for your fix
you feeling that baby oh oh oh
you're energy is so strong.
it's our destiny
don't look back
i want it like that at at
say i don't know much but i know that
tonight i don't want to be alone
be alone, be alone, be alone, hey hey
say i gotta make some contact
with you one on one
and everybody knows that i'm...
i'm addicted to kissing and hugging
touching and rubbing
i'm a sucker for love
if you're addicted to kissing and hugging
touching and rubbing
you're a sucker for love
what you waiting for
baby move a little closer to me
you know you're gonna
i know you wanna
so why don't you quit playing
i want to see what you working with
you know i'm addicted to...
i'm addicted to kissing and hugging
touching and rubbing
i'm a sucker for love
if you're addicted to kissing and hugging
touching and rubbing
you're a sucker for love
#126
day fifty nine
i took the long way home: the bus from the first stop.
the headaches got so bad, i left school early, and slept the whole ride.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
#123
day fifty six
sitting in lantern, my best friend admits that i need a boyfriend. shocking. really.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
#122
night one of girls weekend:
super red lips from freakishly large slurpee's from the local seven-11.
marshmellow stuffing contest:
watching dark night.
more fun tomorrow . . .
#121
day fifty five
spent the day with pechuga.
[on foot] soho, noho, greenwich village, [train] brownsville [back on foot], east new york, canarsie, [bus] flatlands, [back on foot] then mill basin. my calves are crazy, and i got my cardio in for the day.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
#119
day fifty four
naica's god-forsaken laptop that i'm so damn tired of fucking hearing about. [the laptop she doesn't have a fucking charger for.]
jeff fixed it; this is my proof. it's an actual website on the shit.
now i'm waiting to hear another fucking complaint . . .
#118
day fifty three
my genius hermanita, dominique, needed her hair done so badly, i ended up doing it while i'm horribly sick. nauseated & impaired vision; i end up cutting her hair. oops . . .
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