#129

it's ridiculous how i'm feeling right now. as i sit on my living room floor with a heavy heart, i try to understand why life's complexes are the way they are.

i'm in pain: emotionally, not so much psychically--for once.

they way i am, the way i was raised, leaves me in a position where i'm open and ready and willing to love and give whole heartedly. the men in my life, at the drop of a dime; i'll do anything for, and by the way i treat them, they know. sometimes, i surprise myself with the lengths i'd go to make someone happy. i think people take me for granted. i've probably said that before, but the notion still remains. i look at people and their relationships and their love lives, and i swear, i'd give anything for a piece of what they have. why can't i be taken care of, the way i've taken care of so many others. i don't need it, but i want it more than anything. i know my life isn't perfect right now, but the feeling of being cared for would make this so much easier . . .