#114

4am. can't sleep. yet, again.

sore throat. i hate it. i used to get the all the time when i was a lot younger. it's definitely one of my top three ways i hate to be sick.

i got home with the illest migraine last night--again. when i have these chronic migraines, i can't eat just anything. i was craving mac and cheese, as i do every day, but the nausea wouldn't allow that. steamed dumplings and white rice from the hood chinese store. [i don't live in the hood, so i guess it's more of the local chinese take-out restaurant?] half of the bus ride home, i was definitely debating whether or not to invest the time and money on some pork dumplings [that i've never had] when i usually eat chicken and/or shrimp dumplings when i go out for thai. those chinos love when i come in. it's very rare, but they enjoy seeing a polite, dark person. i got home and went straight to my room with my beloved carbs, stuffed my face, and passed out.

so just when i thought my day couldn't get any better, yesterday, on the way out, my father says some schizo, suicidal shit, after he asks a question about his health. what was said will not be disclosed, but best believe, it shook me the fuck up. music asked me to come back uptown. i declined. i just wanted to get home.

my joints hurt. fuck . . .

#113

this is a spin off of eL's politically correct post:

paul budnitz is the best: more obama-ness. vote for change.

#112

venting.

just when you thinks are starting to look up, a light shines on the way things really are.


today i was reminded that i lack substance—that was my morning message—and if there was one thing someone could base us not being compatable on, it’s that, my lack of substance. so i didn’t watch the debate, i’m not wrapped up in the economy, i don’t know the day malcom x died, and i haven’t done laundry a day in my life. certain things just don’t interest me, or i don’t give a shit to find out, or i just don’t know. i may be a social misfit, ditzy, and have insecurities, but that’s me, and i’ve accepted it. so what if i live with my parents, and love them dearly for not finding the urge to ask me to leave. we own our house, our car; we’re pretty well off. i’m self centered, because if no one shows any interest in me, i need to give more than a fuck. call it over compensating, if you must. i can’t trust people, and those i do trust, i can count on my fingers. the intracate details of my social life are very minimal, but i love it the way it is. maybe my life is this way for a reason.

adding to the remotely bad day, i’m nauseated from the pb&j i had for breakfast, i broke a glass, and my hair isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do. eff it.

the very few people that have any involvement in my life at all, i love them dearly. if i’m talking to mommy about dating twenty five year old guys, correcting kay’s spelling on pretty much every word with seven letters or more, getting skeeved out by the fact that cory b. enjoyed her colonic, or shopping for vibrators online with sarah, i wouldn’t trade any second of it.

c'est la vie . . .





new blog name? maybe?

#111

sano: fsjdkwiwrhfdldjawuebfjdsiloveuavakdfkoepgkfdhalelfd
moi: jifhiuzsdghffv;oaszhdfcaSUDIkjc vhgdpopchampagne



p.s. we're cool.

#110

day fifty

this is the view from my bedroom window. it's a parking lot on ralph avenue.

after having a bonding moment with mother, discussing my dating life, i looked out my window and thought about the first boyfriend my mother knew about. richard davies. we were fifteen, and he worked part time at the party city a block away. he would run to this empty lot, [it would be empty by the time he got there], and we'd be on our cell phones, talking it up. this is how we saw each other.

those were the days when broken hearts didn't hurt as bad.

#109

day forty nine

the daily ritual: looking at the cubbies in my closet and thinking what the hell am i wearing? this time, i had to think for two days, and everything went into my trusty green weekend bag =)

#108

day forty eight

pizza at originals with the bestie. i heart him.

#107

text-a-blog. haven't done one of these in a while.

i'm on the downtown d train and i'm tired like fuck. i spent some much needed time with music last night after work. red bull, smirnoff, turkey hot dogs, and the cosby show until i fell asleep--he fell asleep first. instead of laying in bed with him, i'm off to work, wearing the same clothes i wore yesterday: in true morning after fashion.

what i didn't know is there will be a halloween party at work, and a costume contest. i'm not up for the contest, so adding to the list of potential costumes: a cabaret dancer and a ballerina. cat woman's out--christina already claimed it. this is my first halloween dressing up and whatnot. having a pentecostal mother is never fun in cases like these. boogie said all of my previous costume ideas aren't original. this is true, but hey, c'est la vie.

little brat cousin's birthday was yesterday. happy belated chevon.

i'd love some pancakes and bacon right about now. pork bacon. music only eats turkey bacon, so i was stealing some off his plate, but it's not like the swine. i might just settle for a raisin bagel with cream cheese and jelly from m & o.

kay and i got over that fight [finally], i finally saw my best friend after how long, and dave the dj's back in the picture. well, to be back, you'd have to once be there. shit, he's around, leave it at that. he's leaving to go spin in europe for a month on thursday, so i intend on seeing him one of those days i have no class. yea, i have no class. for 3 days. go me. between now and thanksgiving, i'll have quite a few days off, and i'm not mad at all.

free crib in december! the parental units are getting a beach house for their anniversary and spending christmas in barbados. party? potentially. it seems to be the perfect opportunity for my black party, since we know i hate white. now, who can i get to dj...?

2:30. going over the bridge. left work early. i barely worked this week, but i just didn't feel like being there for much longer. i'm usually like that when i'm in a bad mood but today, i'm just glowing. my spirits are just too high to be trapped at adi-land.

my cory b. has a blog! coryBE.blogspot.com. i can't wait to go to dallas.

i've made up my mind. cabaret it is!

4:25. bonding with the bestie . . .

#106

i woke up around 2-something because i couldn't sleep. it's raining cats and dogs. and chickens. i laid in bed, watching bones. the rain was so loud, i had to put my head phones on.

i haven't gone to work all week. not my choice. i doubt i'll be going today, either, with the weather like this.

yesterday was my breakfast date with shanice. i missed her so much. we went to this spot, mike's coffee spot, on the corner of dekalb and st. james place, right across the street from pratt. i've passed it so many times going to see jason. the food there is amazingly cheap. surprisingly, my little ass ate all three pancakes. i definitely have to go again sometime. we caught up old times and traded stories of the pathological liars of high school. her belly's growing!

shit. i'm craving pancakes. maybe we have egos downstairs . . .

#105

day forty seven

dunny hears water boiling through the walls at school.

it's official hun, you have about two brain cells left.

#104

day forty six

news flash: subways spicy italian is the truth =]

#103

day forty five

my date.

drinks after work with chris.

it's official: i don't like vodka anymore.

#102

my shift got cut, and class wasn't as much of a drag as it usually is. the afternoon was spent with my mikey. i got the baby name book from barnes and noble, and he helped me pick out my outfit for the baby shower from american apparel. of course, leave it up to a gay guy to pick out something fiercely simple. i did some cleaning, got started on some homework, caught up on my gossip girl and one tree hill, and had me a big bowl of trix.

i really do have this obsession with my curls.

the night's ending with me having a really uneasy feeling . . .

#101

day forty four

baby name books, my sleeks, and the black jack.

sitting on the floor in barnes and noble can be fun.

#100

day forty three

i'm just a girl with curls.

i love it.

#99

today was a hella long day. kinda tried something new with my hair [curls - hair spray = me likey much], got a well needed fill-in [definitely need a polish change though], rushed to work for 4pm and managed to clock in four minutes early, had an amazing lunch [turkey, cheddar, and bacon on a roll, baked lays--as usual--pepperidge farm soft baked oatmeal raisin cookies, and a dr. brown's black cherry soda], worked until damn near 10pm, and--with the help of my friends once again--surpassed my week but $300+. i love how everyone's on team ava.


tomorrow's another day at dassler's world. almost everything in the store is on sale people. sales at my store make me happy. not only is everything thirty percent off, but i get an extra thirty percent off from my employee discount. i literally got my sleeks for like forty bucks. it's crazy how people are stacking up. the u.p.t's amazing, but at the end of the day, your a.d.s is shot to hell because of the sale.

i missed bianca's birfday on the 17th, melanie's is coming on the 22nd, and chan'nel's is on the 27th. there--it's officially posted, because i'm bound to forget again.

i have a poll! ha! vote people!

so the hair. i'm really starting to follow in my millzie's footsteps and embrace the volume. it captures the ethnicity and eccentricity. i love it.


back to giggle tomorrow. more baby presents for shanice. i've narrowed down my choices of outfits for her shower. maybe we'll do lunch this week. i'll hit her up tomorrow about it.


wait, i think i have a lunch date with chris this week? maybe? i really think i do though.


bed time . . .

#98

day forty two

a sad day in adi-land.

victor m.'s last day at adidas.

he left behind his legacy and a note.

i miss him already =[

#97

day forty one

sleeks!

finally!

yay!

#96

one of the side effects of a flare: swollen hands. i can't get my marc jacobs bubble ring off. =[

#94

day forty

alone in the library waiting for my class. sitting on the floor. [weird, since there are plenty of seats available. i dunno, it just seemed to be the more comfortable spot.]

#93

day thirty nine

gay friends. next to my marcs, they're my favorite accessory. every girl should have some. i heart you mikey =]

#92

day thirty eight

i have this bulletin board on my wall by my bed with pics of my family and best friends, movie tickets, business cards, and any other important events that might be coming up. so i'm staring at it for a while, and i think, why not make the whole wall into this bulletin board type thing! yes? no? maybe?

#91

day thirty seven

i went along for the ride to take shit to my sister before she left for barbados [ding dong, the witch is dead.]

daddy took shot gun. he's getting better, but he needs therapy for his motor skills and his speech. he'll get better; eventually =/

#95

yes i'm sick.

yet again.

the fibro's flaring up.
for those who don't know, google it. i'm definitely not in the mood for explanations. [or maybe i've just explained it too many times. either way, go enlighten yourself.]

aside from the fibro, i'm cramping like a bitch. i'm sitting on the library floor with my shoes off & a thermo-pack heating pad thing strapped on me like a bomb. just a few more days...

umm; so what's new...

the family went to the hosue upstate last weekend, so i decided to have girls' night. kay flopped, as usual, annd sarah came out of pitty? dunno, but it led to a fight by monday, about how "it's not about me" and my dried chicken breasts i made for dinner. [if i have the idea to host any type of gathering, stop me. please.]

shanice is pregnant! she and andre are having a baby-something! she doesn't want to know, but andre does. i spent about a hour in barnes and nobles looking at baby name books to get her. shannon ava. [her choice, not mine, so ha] their shower's in two weeks. that's enough time to get a gift from her registry, an outfit for myself, and my hair and nails done. i spent the majority of friday night on the phone with her while she craved thai food from lemongrass and waited for andre to bring it home. i love her to bits. i'm so excited.

i made my week! [just had to let that be known.]

today's youth just upsets me. my goodness. within the past few days, i've managed to come across some of the most disgusting types of young adults i have ever seen in my life. these two girls were passing this pint bottle of some alcoholic substance back and forth, screaming "chug," on a train at 7:30 in the evening, while discussing methods of 'fucking him up.' am i the only one that sees something wrong with this picture? i literally shook my head in disappointment. that reminded me of a time back in high school, while i was on the train with my friends going home after school, there was a group of girls who were extremely loud and rowdy. my friends got off the train to transfer to a different line, but i stayed on, since i was the only one that lived on that side. as the train pulled into the station at the last stop, an older woman, probably in her mid-late forties, scooted over next to me and said "i'm glad to see you and your friends aren't like them." that felt really good. being classified with people that think it's remotely attractive to carry on in a train, at any time of day, is the mark of a downfall in your life. mental suicide? potentially.

my biffle, cory b. i'm in desperate need of a cory hug. i hearts you.

more pain. my shoulders are killing me. off to class.

#90

i"ll be gone for a while. i'm sick--it's too much to explain. i'm still taking my pics. i heart youz.

#89

day thirty six

the view of my empty drive way from my den window, anticipating my daddy coming home. free cribs aren't that fun after all.

#88

day thirty five

saturday morning with my pechuga. my ride or die. gotta love her.

#87

day thirty four

my friday night having a free crib was spent with sarah, our laptops, my sketchbook, and the food network.

ayo pechuga...peanus =]

#86

day thirty three

yes. more tape on the charger. the brand new charger. i, somehow, pushed it off the bed while i was asleep, which broke the charger completely. when i somewhat figured it out, i tried to plug it back in and a piece of it got stuck inside the charger hole thingie. and the ipod cord got it, too. not to mention, i shocked my lip. smh . . .

#85

9.11

i registered to vote.

i miss my uncle billy.

it's been seven years.

this is weird.

had he not gone to work, he'd still be here.

i love you.

#84

day thirty two

i get by with a little help from my friends. jen--mi amor. after getting my write up, it pretty obvious that i was feeling like shit. if it wasn't for my chica, i wouldn't have surpassed my goal for today by seventy eight percent. i love her. tremendo aquacero!

#83

i ate a fortune cookie for breakfast. it said:

"relax and enjoy yourself."

if shit would stop stressing me out, maybe i would . . .

#82

the hat i bought a few weeks ago. i love it. turned a few heads. broke a few necks. felt quite fly, if i do say so myself.

so i got a write up yesterday. i was prepared to spill all the details, but i don't have the energy. music and i spoke about it for a while. he went into detail about the upper echelon of retail, and how being penalized the way i did was reasonable. i'm definitely not saying it wasn't. i guess i'm just a little upset.

i went home sick today. stress, malnourishment, and the sucky weather today just added to it. i really need to get on lyrica or cymbalta or something. so now i'm laying in bed, watching all mu cwtv shows. no homework tonight, since i did my assignment due tomorrow on the train this morning. gossip girls, 90210, and america's next top model will be keeping me company until music gets home from school.

weirdness. i just feel like laying here, singing at the top of my lungs, and crying.

so i ate half a chicken burrito from chipotle and a beef patty from golden crust today. i'm debating whether i need to eat again for the night. yesterday i ate four bags of chips, a cupcake, a bag of gummy bears, a bottle of nantucket lemonade, a yogurt, and a pack of twix. oh yea--gotta love my diet.

s and a? eh--s and c? maybe. i heart you sano . . .

#81

day thirty one

another day roaming in between classes. i love her =]

#80

day thirty

i hit up my darling dominican kenya. she said i'm crazy and have nothing better to do with myself, and that i got skinny and need to eat like she does--all in spanish. what made it funnier was my response. she hasn't seen me in so long, she forgot i can understand her. so the straight haired chink is back. music ran his fingers through my hair today and got weirded out. he's always seen me with big, poofy hair.

#79

day twenty nine

so music came to see me at work on friday, and he copped a pair of torontos. the ditz in me sold him two different sizes. of course, i have to get it switched. he lost the receipt, and ripped the bag. isn't he wonderful? luckily, i stopped into the bot to get zipper pulls for sarah and i, so i had the bag to throw his kicks into. i'm surprised the fit.

#78

waiting for the 6 train at bleeker with no one but my wendy's fries causes me to text myself another blog.

i'm on my way uptown to help music. he moved into his spot yesterday, so we're spending the rest of the night unpacking and probably eating chinese food.

work was hectic for a sunday. corporate was in town because yamamoto's Y-3 show for fashion week was last night. we definitely has reason to be on point now. i wonder if the store made it's goal--i know i didn't make mine. making $2,203 is hard. i stopped trying after i did $1600+. i became more concerned with time, since i was hoping to get uptown and back home before 1am.

santogold's heavy in the system.

waiting for the 4 train. i just realized i might have been able to take that 5 train that passed a few minutes ago.

another 6 train. my eyes are burning. here comes a 4.

i started this half an hour ago. a fellow passenger on the 4 rain just complimented me on my juicy bracelet.

so i've come to face the harsh reality: tackiness is alive and well, and is spreading like wild fire. peep game: shorty has on a pair of cut-off shorts and a hot-ass-mess of a cut up halter, with some white sling-back sandals that are about a size too big for her. bleached hair, not too blonde, more of a honey-ish, beyonce color. she has a huge samurai dragon type tattoo on her arm, and as i suspected, she's with some [forgive me] niggerish type guy. and just when i thought it couldn't get any worst, there's a baby. well, at least she's reading a book.

so i definitely started this around 7pm. it's now 12:30am and i'm on my way home, tired beyond belief. definitely downing a red bull, but it's not really helping. i peeped the new apartment. i definitely love it.

amusing thought of the night: homeless people really stink. especially when they're soaked in their own urine to the point where there's footprints being tracked from car to car. it's hilarious how fast that car cleared out. i only see these people late at night. my question is: where do they go during the day?

red bull's kicking in. or maybe it was that man's stench. it's 12:39 and i'm at 103rd street. the 4 train runs local at this time, which is killing me.

i have a full day coming up. wake up, hair appointment, finish some reading while i'm under the dryer, run home to get my stuff for class, then get my fill in, which happens to be right by the bus stop, hopefully get to the library to look at this merchandising planning & control textbook, then massa's class, see music for a few minutes right after my class ends and his begins, then work, and then home.

68th street, hunter college. 12:46am. i really wish i had a wall or something to rest my head on, but it looks like there's a shit stain on the seat next to me--i'll never be that tired.

ha. so christina and i went on the mad hunt for the new YSL tote yesterday. needless to say, we copped.

just random thoughts. i don't think anything of much consequence is coming up.

12:51am. grand central. a white woman just got on and almost sat in the shit stain. i'm seriously chuckling on the inside. her rock & republic jeans would've been a mess.

1am. back at bleeker street.

1:15am. finally in brooklyn--borough hall--and i have to pee. took a power nap. some weird guy's sitting next to me and he keeps staring, as if he was trying to peep the blog. is he trying to get in on the movement? now he's tying to give me some black power, american bible business on this sheet of paper. i shut that down quick.

power nap.

1:25am. franklin avenue. i'll take the 2 train, then the bus or a cab, depending on how it's looking out there. i'm so sleepy, my eye can't fully open. it's not dry, the muscle's are just really tired. i can't even pace the platform properly. i seem inebriated.

ipod on shuffle. got that good erykah flowing. i keep breaking out uncontrollably. i need to get back on accutane. that's that crack.

some crazy jamaican just strolled up next to me, playing ring tones, singing along to the songs that need words like pussy and gangsta, and dancing in his white wing tip shoes. then there's a mexican, spitting like a damn camel.

i really do hope i'm not waiting forever for a 2 train like last weekend when i went to amy ruth's with music.

only a 10 minute wait. not that bad. the jamaican got on, too. fuck.

2:45am. at home, laptoppin' it. got in around 2:05, after i hopped in a cab at 1:59. my dude was whippin it. nighters.

#77

day twenty eight

i just dropped a buck on a new charger, but it's worth it because i have my baby back. yay

#76

day twenty seven

migraines after work are a killer when all you have is 600mg of ibuprofen, a bottle of pellegrino, and the latest issue of W.

#75

day twenty six

my idiots, rog and music. singing with cones on the street after class is always fun, no?

#74

day twenty five

just guess who i was on the phone with...

#73

no full weekend. just migranes and homework. ugh.

#72

obscenely tired. i've gotten home after 9pm every night this week.

i'm sitting that the desktop, eating leftover mac and cheese for breakfast, and attempting to get some reading done for my african art history class, while my sister's in the living room, commenting on maury's guests in search to find their baby's father. i need to get my ass in the shower.

nothing much to say really. i guess i'm just not in the mood; too tired, maybe. adidas from 2:30 to 9:30 tonight, then 11am to 8pm tomorrow. i might have a full weekend, outside of work. estoy finito.

#71

no laptop. once again. the fucking charger's shot to hell. i'm using the family desktop until i get a new one. so that means project 365 is on hold for a while. this feels so weird. but best believe, once i get it back, the flood of pics will be in. but i love today's pic. i'll have to figure something out.

so today, i sold a jabbawockee a pair of gazelles. mad gassed. bed time.

#70

day twenty four

sexy, multi-ethnic, beast. enough said.

#69

finished shooting with fanklin thompson. amazing work. he's doing a project called "other"; a series of black and white portraits of people of mixed ethnicity. the title is inspired by school forms, job applications, surveys, and other things we fill out, requiring us to choose our race or ethnicity. for some people, there are no clear choices, and they are forced to choose "other". we all know i hopped on that quick. i dragged sarah along, which definitely turned out to be a good thing, because she got involved. this is my babiee in action:

my shots were great. it was with polaroids, which was really cool, and made for an interesting display of his concept. for the first time, i managed to get a full frontal shot, and the eye contact was amazing. the shots will be in a few art galleries around the world. i'm excited. so back in business.

talking to miss ebony of goldmine productions--my fellow trini-venezuelan. cool girl. her show's next week. i hope all goes well. sarah and i have to give her the initiation: le basket mac and cheese. [we all know how sarah and i feel about that business.] that's where we take the new comers. ha. we're cool.

i saw my best friend for the first time in eons. he's one of the most influential men in my life--don't think he knows that, though. i missed that fucker so much. we need to bond more, i know. i'm not saying it's impossible. i'm just on my grind. i need to get to work with my life. but he's a major factor in it, regardless.

i'm in the library. waiting for my principles of supervision class with music at 7:30. then off to the bronx to peep places with him and rog.

i'm craving chipotle. shit.

#68

news flash. african art history is boring!

#67

day twenty three

so music and i definitely took this picture about six times. he likes the no name, no face thing i got going on. it was so his idea to pull the hat down. i love that hat. we walked up to union square and sat there for a while before heading home.

#66

so how about i read the schedule completely wrong and showed up for my shift two hours early. highly upset--again.

the journey to work was disgusting. people use labor day as an excuse to galavant around half naked, with flags covering vital organs. the funniest thing was watching this man on the train konked out from jurvet. don't get me wrong; i'm all for nationalism and caribbean pride--sweet, sweet t & t, oh how i love up mi country--but half of those in attendance, excluding white european tourists, probably don't even know wha it's all about.

there were two french customers inquiring about the festivities yesterday. i warned them about the dangers of following trucks and drunken partying. remotely frightening to them, quite amusing to me.

my millz is leaving in the morning. fuck. i heart you lady =]

classes tomorrow, shooting with franklin at 5 in williamsburg. it's definitely sleepy time . .

#65

so i did my usual “text the blog” thing, and for some reason, the whole shit got deleted—highly upsetting. i was really in the zone with that one, too. so here it is in a nutshell . . .

no work, so i went up town. spent the day with music. took a few naps, then finally ended up at my ruth’s. mac and cheese with lemonaide. got home freakishly early this morning, like after 3am. maybe almost 4am. i over slept, couldn’t do a damn thing with my hair from all the hair spray in it, constantly throwing it into messy buns, and using it as a pillow at music’s, which knotted it with this odd dread-like resemblance. i brushed that shit out with no remorse, and ended up with pin curls. that was horrible. got to work about three minutes late, and m&o was closed, so i basically digested a twelve ounce can of red bull, half a bag of pretzels, and a grande iced vanilla latte. now I’m at home with a freakishly full belly, which is nauseating me as much as that mac and cheese did.

my puti’s mad at me. or disappointed. something of that nature. i’m supposed to be a single woman. technically, i am. i didn’t go out and venture to find someone to keep me company—someone fell into my lap. if it works, great; but if not, then hey, it was fun while it lasted. it’s just nice to have someone want to give you a kiss from time to time or hold you at night. i’m fond of affection; hold my hand, hug me randomly and spin me around until i get dizzy, anything to show me that there’s some type of attraction, it’s cool. now, as much as I love sarah, that just doesn’t make my cookie crumble. i guess that’s the difference between us [since there are hardly any at all] she’s found that person. i’m still weeding out the bad ones—or just the ones that aren’t as capable as i’d like them to be.

this blog was definitely supposed to be a lot better. i’m just too tired, and my forehead may potentially be turning purple. time to wash this business out . . .

#64

day twenty two

the hair process. fuck . . .