Saturday, July 5, 2008


i'm such an advocate for love; call me cupid's cheerleader, if you will. i've just always been the type to do things whole heartedly. being single was never really my thing. having that sense of companionship was such an adrenalin rush to me. in past relationships, i've been known to give up when things got sticky—no pun intended. i thought i came across those guys that i'd spend the rest of my life with; of course, i was young and immature and people do change. after a few of those came kemar. i thought it was time to quit the casual dating, the bouncing around from guy to guy, so i settled. settled down? not exactly—just settled for less than i deserve. some part of me always knew kemar wasn't the one i'd grown old with, but it was a nice picture—sometimes. the breakup was fairly easy—on my part at least. isn't that what matters in the end? he gave me my exit and i took advantage of it. my family hated him; they never thought he was right for me. no one did. but of course, everyone tells me after the breakup. then came along robbie, my current boyfriend. he's such an amazing guy. any girl would be lucky to have him—and luck is my lady. in him, i've found my best love—my last love. i've never had this feeling of self-worth before he came along. i've always settled for whatever came my way. with him, i've never had to settle for decent treatment. he hands me happiness on a silver platter. my family loves him; they're not tollerating him for my sake. they even said it. my aunt admitted that she wants us together. he hasn't always been around when i needed him, but no one can always be there. i was born into this cruel world alone; i just have to deal with things by myself. he has the absolute most amazing 2 year old, zion. i love that little boy to pieces. he lives with his mother in allentown, pennsylvania. money's extremely tight, on his end as well as mine, so we haven't gotten the chance to get zion for a weekend in a while. it's taking a toll on robbie—which is is affecting me in the worse way. he's gotten very distant and aggy, which is totally understandable; i get that way sometimes, so i can't really bitch and moan. but it's been like this every day for a week—it seems a hell of a lot longer. it gets to the point where i wouldn't hear from robbie for days at a time. i can't remember the last time we had a normal conversation on the phone. Sometimes i think my love and affection can be overwhelming, but it hasn't changed since day one, and he’s always said he wants someone to care for him and zion, and i've done nothing but that. shakespeare did say the course of true love never did run smooth; i guess this is just one of those rough patches. Some are starting to doubt our relationship; my sister said “this is why you’re supposed to have them lined up.” the fact of the matter is simply that i don’t care for that lifestyle. i don’t want to look. every sunrise, every sunset; i want him by my side. in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. i’ll continue to love him unconditionally, to support him in his goals, to honor and respect him, to laugh with him and cry with him, and to cherish him for as long as we both shall live. i don’t want anyone else other than robert dominique rios.

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