Friday, August 8, 2008
i thought things were going to get better since i decided to let robert go. apparently, they haven't. for the greater part of the day, i cried. and cleaned. a lot more crying than cleaning though. yea, we're done, but he seems to come up in every conversation; shit that doesn't even involve him, the bastard's name gets put into. my eyes are burning. they're puffy. i know i need to continue with my life, but this swill definitely be one of the hardest things to overcome. i'm in this world alone, so i have to get through this alone. it's cute when i see people brag about how "they wouldn't be the way they are without their friends." i commend them and congratulate them for coming across and managing to keep people like that in their lives. i don't have support system friendships. no one thinks to sugar coat a damn thing. i'm just the jolly, anorexic girl that digs to find the good in everyone and loves them, despite their flaws; so my feelings don't matter much at all. the actual blunt nature society has instilled has broken me down and worn me out. i used to be sweet, i used to be loving-- i used to give a fuck. if anyone manages to bring that ava-marie back, then they're a miracle worker. the truth of the matter is that i don't want to be that ava-marie any more. i've been that way all my life, and look where it's gotten me.