#54

modeling. at one time, it was my passion. i used to eat, sleep, and breathe the industry. i was even writing business finals about the modeling industry--and yes, i passed that class. my cousin was a casting agent for impact world wide, so whatever gigs he sent his girls on, i was right beside them. but when google bought the company, he left, and i was officially a freelance model. this was back in 2006. the last time i was in front of a camera was in january. by march, i was done. i put my dreams behind me and began to think realistically. now i could never completely drop modeling. i'd always think about starting up again, just not as seriously as i was before. in july, i met shanel. that's how i got a taste of hair modeling. that taste led me to wanting more. even if it was just for that day, it felt like a portion of that void in my life was filled.

times are hard, and high quality photos cost money [that i don't have], and these photographers that produce these high quality photos are very experienced, so they do select tf* shoots, with only the models of their choice. that just makes it that much harder for me. as much as i've heard that i have a strong face and i'm gorgeous and i have potential, no one's really getting to see me. mother dearest and i got into a heated discussion about modeling earlier, and i called her out on her lack of parental support. she's taking it as me playing the blame game and throwing the guilt card at her. i cried. seriously, i did. i mean, i cried until that gooey clear snot came out my nose and just chilled there until i blew it out. [nice mental picture? thank me later.] when it comes down to things i'm passionate about and my parent's involvement, i get emotional. so yea, the water works came on. there's not much i can really say about my mother's thoughts on me modeling, because they were all negative. she came to some of my shows back in high school, only because they were for school; and even then she wasn't too thrilled with my garments and how comfortable i was parading around in next-to-nothing.


i began writing this post as a text on my phone on my journey to work.

now that my shift is over and i'm heading home, [still texting this post], i'm thinking about the even we hosted [info on that later] and the one connection i made. i stood in a corner alone for most of the night because there were so many people. one gentleman approached me to see if everything was copestetic. we started talking and he asked me if i was a model. i told him the deal. he has an online magazine that he wants me to check out. i definitely will. there's no connection that's too small. everyone knows someone that can help get you one step closer to where you want or need to be . . .

so the event. my god was that an experience. adidas is big on events, i see. this was my first. we hosted the birthday party for aj crimson, a celebrity make-up artist. when i heard the big fuss was over a mua, i thought it was a cover-up; we all did. but this was major. the appearances were crazy: from the newbies to the scene like tokyo, teyana taylor, my boys, pat & unique, the twins, dee & ricky jackson, & estelle, to the old faces, like letoya luckette, dj clue, & forest wittaker. one guy offered to have his driver take me home, another inquired about my empty ring finger; but in the end, the night was fun, po got twisted, & black icing was everywhere. gotta love being a dassler . . .

sidebar: this post took up twenty-three text messages.